Dr. Dawn-Marie Pearson
  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Counseling
  • Coaching
  • Appointments
  • Speaking
  • Resources
  • Prayer & Bible Study
  • Contact
  • Session Rates

The Life Makers Blog

How to Make Peace with Your Past (Abbreviated Version)

9/2/2019

2 Comments

 
Picture
It can be extremely difficult to reconcile issues of the past. In fact, we sometimes don’t even realize that it’s the past that is stopping us from embracing and enjoying the present. But in reality, that anxiety, that sadness, that catastrophic thinking, that pessimism, they sometimes all have their roots in unresolved pain from the past.

To truly grow and thrive, we must make peace with our past. In fact, we rob ourselves of the nourishment to grow when we resist the necessary work of facing the painful aspects of our personal history. It is the sorrow of the grief process that waters and nourishes important aspects of healing, growth, and fruitful living.

So what can you do to make peace with your past? Below is an abbreviated version of some of the helpful steps toward reconciling painful experiences. Many of the steps can be difficult to do alone. Reach out to a capable friend, pastor, mentor, or professional who can help you navigate through the difficult parts of your life story. Also, see our Coaching Plus! experience, Making Peace with Your Past.

Seven Steps to Help You Make Peace with Your Past (Abbreviated)
​
1.  
Acknowledge Your Losses
What happened to you? What are your painful memories that you do not like to think about, so you push them away? Bring them to the forefront and allow yourself to name them.

2.  Grieve Your Losses
What have your actions, the actions of others, or life’s circumstances cost you? Take the time to really answer this question. It’s a painful question to answer, but it is unavoidable if you want to heal. This is the process that will breathe new life into you. Grief work is hard, but profoundly healing. Grief work is also difficult to do alone. Get the right help where necessary.

3.  Give Voice to the Should Haves and Shouldn’t Haves
What are you protesting about the loss? Protest is a normal part of loss and grief. It is our brain’s way of trying to make sense of something that we did not want to happen. Allow yourself the protests. Protests can come in the form of "if only." ("If only I had listened," "If only I had not gone," "If only he had been honest with me.") Protests also come in the form of disbelief. ("No, this couldn’t have really happened. I just want to wake up from this bad dream.") They come in other forms as well. Look out for the ways you are protesting, and give voice to those protests.

4.  Answer the Protests
Acknowledge that it did happen. Voice the disappointment that the loss has created. Express the things in your life that might now never be. Express the difficult things that are now a part of your life because that thing did happen.

5.  Capture the Good
Sorrow and loss have redemptive qualities to them. Identify the treasures (big or small) that have come as a result of your losses.

6.  Forgive Those Involved.
This is a difficult step for many, and it can take time. An important aspect of forgiveness involves letting go of the expectation that those involved will ever acknowledge how they have hurt you. Forgiveness also involves a determination to do the work necessary to not be bitter or vengeful.

7.  Live in Your New Normal
Loss means that something has changed. Things will not be the same as they were. But that does not mean things cannot be good, or even great! Embrace the life you have. Dream new dreams. Aspire to new goals. Practice gratitude on a daily basis.

Healing from your past can take time and targeted effort. But it is one of the most beautiful gifts you can give to yourself, and to those who love you and want the best for you. Begin. Get help. Stay the course. Reap the joyous rewards!

2 Comments

Mitigating the Symptoms and Curbing the Onset of Panic and Anxiety Attacks

14/11/2018

0 Comments

 
In my previous post I talked about the difference between panic attacks and anxiety attacks. Today I’m sharing some strategies that can help mitigate the symptoms of panic and anxiety attacks.  Not every strategy works with the same effectiveness for each individual, but below are five you can choose from to see what works for you.

Before we look at those strategies, here are two quick, but important, points. (1) While mitigating the symptoms is helpful, it is important to seek the professional help that will get to the root of the issue. A visit to a physician and a qualified counselor would be encouraged in order to resolve what is causing the panic and anxiety attacks in the first place. (2) I
f you have symptoms that are even similar to that of a heart attack or other serious conditions, do not assume it is "just" a panic or anxiety attack. Seek medical help promptly.
​
Practical Strategies for Mitigating the Symptoms of Panic and Anxiety Attacks

  1. Dial it Down. Picture an old fashioned radio dial and view it as being connected to your emotions and symptoms. Now see yourself putting your hand on the dial, which is at 10, and dialing it down to 9, 8, 7.... Dial it down as close to 0 as you can get it. This engages you imaginatively, which can help you to gain active control of the symptoms.
  2. Blow the Pinwheel. Hold a pinwheel in your hand. Take a deep breath and then gently and steadily blow out the air so that the pinwheel spins. This self-soothing activity helps to bring oxygen to your brain and body, working to calm you.
  3. Rub the Carpet. Take off your shoes and socks and steadily rub your feet back and forth on a carpet, consciously noting how the carpet feels against your feet. Engage your hands by feeling the fabric of your clothes. This type of grounding activity will help calm your nervous system, rescuing it from the cascade of physiological symptoms your body is experiencing. Maintain a good, deep breathing pattern as you do this.
  4. Count Backwards (with a Twist). This involves counting backwards, slowly, from 300. However, there's a twist. Count backwards by 3's or 7's. The focused effort required will help to interrupt the anxiety and flooding, and will allow you to regain a sense of internal balance. Saying the alphabet backwards is also helpful.
  5. Call a Friend. Some people find it extremely helpful to call a friend and acknowledge their anxious thoughts and feelings to the friend. This gives expression to the experience, allowing the stress to be released. It also opens the opportunity for support. You can even coach your chosen friends ahead of time to be prepared for such a call, letting them know that what you will need in that moment is a listening ear, a reassuring voice, and help being gently brought back to reality regarding the anxiety producing conclusions the issue is causing.

Lifestyle Practices that Can Help

You can also be preemptive by employing lifestyle practices that can help curb the onset of the attacks. These practices include:


  1. Scripture Meditation. Spending time reading and memorizing Scripture helps transform our way of thinking. It fills us with the courage-building reminder that God desires for us to experience His peace and joy, and it helps us to access that peace and joy. If you have difficulty spending time in God’s Word, there are tips and resources here that can help.
  2. Prayer. Prayer is a tremendous way to quiet our hearts, turn our minds toward the One who is more than able to rescue us, and cast our cares on the God who really cares. Remember that prayer also includes thanksgiving. Gratitude is a wonderful stress reliever. Again, you can find resources here to help with prayer.
  3. Journaling. Purposeful journaling is very therapeutic. It allows you to work through what is on your heart and mind by giving expression and release to the feelings and thoughts that can consume you.
  4. Exercise. This is one we know and hear all the time. Exercise is a tremendous avenue for better health, mentally and physically. And by exercise I am not referring to a gym membership or a strenuous workout regimen. I’m referring to simple, accessible activities that you enjoy: walking, biking, swimming, hiking, running, dancing ... the list goes on.
  5. Enjoyment. What do you enjoy doing? Are there things you enjoy doing alone, or with other people? Are there hobbies you once had time for that have been squeezed out by the demands of life? Try making room for atleast one or two of those activities once again. Invite healthy, appropriate pleasures back into your life.
  6. Community. Some people are extroverts. Some people are introverts. Regardless of which one you are, you were made for meaningful community. It is important that you have healthy, meaningful relationships and friendships in your life, people who you talk with, laugh with, cry with, study God’s Word with, pray with, and mutually encourage.
  7. Service. Follow through on the healthy ideas and intentions you have to enrich the lives of others. Doing so can have such a healing effect on the giver and the receiver, especially when done with a generous and compassionate heart. Kind words, a thoughtful letter, time spent helping a neighbor, providing transportation for a senior citizen, buying school supplies for the children of a family in need, a meal cooked for a convalescing friend are just the tip of the iceberg of simple ways you can enrich others.

Finally, keep in mind that panic and anxiety attacks are responsive to treatment. If you suffer from either of these, give  yourself the gift of the right help so you can live free.
0 Comments

What Are Anxiety Attacks and Panic Attacks? Is There a Difference?

13/11/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
Panic attacks and anxiety attacks are often viewed by many as the same thing, but they are two different conditions.

Panic attacks are sudden and involve intense and even overwhelming fear. They are triggered by a sense of immediate threat, even when no threat is present, and are accompanied by frightening physical symptoms and a feeling of dread.

Consider “Michelle” who came to see me a few years ago. She had been having symptoms that were alarming to her, but her doctor could find nothing physically wrong. She described experiencing pains in her chest, shortness of breath, tightness in her throat, and the feeling that she was dying. The symptoms would come upon her suddenly - in her car, in the gym, in her office. She said, “When it happens, I feel like I’m dying.”

What she was experiencing were panic attacks, marked by the sudden onset of overwhelming and frightening symptoms, including feeling terror. Because panic attacks are associated with the amygdala (the threat detecting center in the brain) Michelle’s ‘fight or flight’ responses were being engaged, and she was experiencing the corresponding hormonal and physiological effects.

Anxiety attacks, on the other hand, seem to operate not from the amygdala, but from the prefrontal cortex, where planning and anticipation occur. Anxiety attacks, therefore, tend to come on more gradually and in response to the anticipation of a stressful situation or event. Anxiety attacks are marked by excessive and persistent worry over that anticipated experience.

Consider “Jill” who was having a series of tests run by her physician because of abnormal results in some earlier tests. She found herself in a vicious cycle of worry. Her mother had died around the age that Jill was approaching. Now, Jill wondered if she had inherited her mother’s condition. She worried more than ever about her health, which led to her fearing that she was dying, which led to her worrying about her children’s future, which led to her worrying about who would care for her kids and how they would survive financially. 

These ever growing stressful anxieties stayed alive in the background of Jill's mind as she went about her day, and they protruded to the front of her mind when she was quiet - driving in her car, in bed at night, in the shower. She was now having anxiety attacks, marked by restlessness, difficulty sleeping, fatigue, irritability, and difficulty concentrating.


Both panic attacks and anxiety attacks are perplexing, to say the least. And it is understandable that the terms are sometimes used interchangeably, as panic attacks and anxiety attacks have many symptoms in common. But key are the distinctions we have touched on above. Panic attacks tend to come on suddenly and be immediately overwhelming, even terrorizing, whereas anxiety attacks tend to refer to persistent and excessive worry about an anticipated event. Below is a table outlining some of the most common symptoms of panic attacks and anxiety attacks.

In my next post I'll share some strategies that have helped my clients to downgrade their symptoms while they also engage in treatment to resolve the anxiety and panic issues.

Picture
0 Comments

    Author

    Dr. Dawn-Marie shares a refreshing blend of professional insights and personal stories in this encouraging blog.

    Picture

    Categories

    All
    Abuse
    Anxiety
    Bible Study
    Books
    Children
    Coaching
    Communication
    Counseling
    Devotions
    Forgiveness
    Hope Church
    Identity
    Infidelity
    Journaling
    Knowing Your Rights
    Loss And Grief
    Marriage
    Marriage Makers
    Narcissism
    Panic
    Parenting
    Prayer
    Relationship With God
    Sermon Snippet
    Toxic
    Trauma
    Treasure Chest Radio
    Video


    Archives

    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    August 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    March 2021
    January 2020
    February 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    June 2018
    April 2018
    October 2017
    August 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    November 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015

    Archived Episodes

    RSS Feed

Copyright 2021 Dawn-Marie Pearson.  All rights reserved.
  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Counseling
  • Coaching
  • Appointments
  • Speaking
  • Resources
  • Prayer & Bible Study
  • Contact
  • Session Rates